What NOT to say!

Anyone who is married can tell you that as soon as the wedding is over, if not before, people will start asking when you are going to have babies. Its like human nature or something. At first its kinda sweet- you look at your spouse with those smitten newlywed eyes and murmur something to the effect of "oh we are going to enjoy each other for a while first" or maybe "oh we want to have kids right away". Whatever your response you fully intend on having complete control on when you will procreate at that time so these comments and questions just roll off your back.

The problem comes when you have been married for a little while, a short while- say maybe a year. Then the questions start rolling back in. Your mom is pressuring you for grandbabies, your coworker suggest you might be pregnant every time you mention being tired or not feeling well, random strangers ask you if you have children and when you say no they ask WHEN you will have them. Let me just tell you how BAD these comments hurt when you have been trying to get pregnant and have been unsuccessful. The worst is when someone close to you asks you when you are going to get pregnant. Inevitably you end up forcing a smile and muttering "when the good Lord is ready", or "oh maybe one day". You honestly TRY to make it sound like its not in your near plans because you have been dealing with infertility and really have no idea when or if this is going to happen for you so you don't want to make it sound like you are actively trying or otherwise when you aren't pregnant next month you fear that they will come asking again. This was honest to goodness the HARDEST part for me during my journey. Every time I was asked- I wanted to cry, and sometimes I did. I was SO fearful of peoples comments that I was self conscious about the photos I posted on facebook- thinking if I looked like I had gained weight at all people would automatically assume I was pregnant. I would post pictures of me drinking just to ensure to people that I was not pregnant. I know that sounds silly, but when you are hurting from a struggle with infertility every single comment feels like someone is stabbing you in the side with a dagger! If I posted a picture of me with friends and others had a drink in their hand but I did not I feared the comment "You aren't drinking, are you pregnant?" I'm telling you people don't think before they speak. This is why I am sharing this with you. ESP those of you who have not had to deal with infertility. Think before you speak! Don't ask women when they are going to get pregnant, if they want children, if they ARE pregnant etc.

Now that I have been on this journey for a while and have decided to share its like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't feel like I am in hiding anymore. I encourage those of you who are dealing with infertility as well to be vocal about it! You might not want to start a blog and share it with facebook but please consider sharing it with your close friends and family. It really is a great relief to not have to bear this burden alone.