Guess what today is!? Its trigger day!! This means I will give myself a shot tonight that will start the process for egg retrieval! It will take 36 hours for the eggs to mature after the shot is given so its very time sensitive. I have 25 follicles that are developing and we are anticipating at least 10 eggs at retrieval but probably more which is great :-) So Sunday is the big day. I will have the surgical procedure at 10am so I will try to post on here an update before that. Im still doing well- just a pretty bad headache which I am thinking is because I had to take one of my injections early today that I was taking at bedtime- so maybe the nighttime dose has been sparing me of side effects since I am usually asleep after them. The nurse said I will feel pretty uncomfortable for about 10 days after the retrieval so we will see how it goes!

DAY 4 of STIMS

 

Today was day 4 of stims and I had my morning ultrasound and blood work done (have to go in everyday for the next 7 days). I have 17 follicles developing so far and they are looking good! I have been instructed to continue my current dosage of meds and add a new shot that prevents you from ovulating too soon. Gah that's FOUR shots a day! 1 of them literally feels like you are stabbing yourself with a knife!  I'm still felling great! Slightly bloated and I have heard that gets worse but we will see.

 

Fertility facts: Women's fertility peaks in her mid 20s, begins declining at age 27, and nosedives around age 37! Men have a biological clock too! A British study showed that only 8% of males fail to impregnate their partners when they are under the age of 25 while 15% fail after the age of 35!



What NOT to say!

Anyone who is married can tell you that as soon as the wedding is over, if not before, people will start asking when you are going to have babies. Its like human nature or something. At first its kinda sweet- you look at your spouse with those smitten newlywed eyes and murmur something to the effect of "oh we are going to enjoy each other for a while first" or maybe "oh we want to have kids right away". Whatever your response you fully intend on having complete control on when you will procreate at that time so these comments and questions just roll off your back.

The problem comes when you have been married for a little while, a short while- say maybe a year. Then the questions start rolling back in. Your mom is pressuring you for grandbabies, your coworker suggest you might be pregnant every time you mention being tired or not feeling well, random strangers ask you if you have children and when you say no they ask WHEN you will have them. Let me just tell you how BAD these comments hurt when you have been trying to get pregnant and have been unsuccessful. The worst is when someone close to you asks you when you are going to get pregnant. Inevitably you end up forcing a smile and muttering "when the good Lord is ready", or "oh maybe one day". You honestly TRY to make it sound like its not in your near plans because you have been dealing with infertility and really have no idea when or if this is going to happen for you so you don't want to make it sound like you are actively trying or otherwise when you aren't pregnant next month you fear that they will come asking again. This was honest to goodness the HARDEST part for me during my journey. Every time I was asked- I wanted to cry, and sometimes I did. I was SO fearful of peoples comments that I was self conscious about the photos I posted on facebook- thinking if I looked like I had gained weight at all people would automatically assume I was pregnant. I would post pictures of me drinking just to ensure to people that I was not pregnant. I know that sounds silly, but when you are hurting from a struggle with infertility every single comment feels like someone is stabbing you in the side with a dagger! If I posted a picture of me with friends and others had a drink in their hand but I did not I feared the comment "You aren't drinking, are you pregnant?" I'm telling you people don't think before they speak. This is why I am sharing this with you. ESP those of you who have not had to deal with infertility. Think before you speak! Don't ask women when they are going to get pregnant, if they want children, if they ARE pregnant etc.

Now that I have been on this journey for a while and have decided to share its like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't feel like I am in hiding anymore. I encourage those of you who are dealing with infertility as well to be vocal about it! You might not want to start a blog and share it with facebook but please consider sharing it with your close friends and family. It really is a great relief to not have to bear this burden alone.

Holy meds! So today is day number 2 of these crazy hormones! I am currently taking a shot of one medication in the morning and another med at night in addition to the blood thinner shot I am on since I have a blood clotting disorder and these medications increase your estrogen. I was really worried about the side effects of these meds and I was told that pretty much I WILL experiance the following side effects (nausea, abdominal pain, headache, weight gain, and emotional lability).... sounds like a great time doesn't it lol! So how am I feeling Day 2 of these meds? Somehow for some insane reason I have a CRAZY amount of energy! It's the weirdest thing? I always have the side effect of things making me tired but with this I feel like I drank a ton of caffiene! I'm not sure if this will last as I can't find it on a side effect profile anywhere and the blogs I searched on google (YES I'm the annoying patient who googles) say that most people have lots of fatigue with the meds. Maybe I'm just on high because I am getting this process started but as of right now I feel GREAT! I pray this will continue :)

Welcome to my new blog!

No one ever PLANS to deal with infertility. We spend our whole lives trying NOT to get pregnant; using protection, setting an alarm to remember to take your pill.  People don't really talk about infertility. Its kinda tabu. And when you find yourself facing infertility it can be lonely, scary, and down right depressing. I am sharing this blog to share my experiences, hoping that if you are now, or one day find yourself dealing with infertility you will have some support and know you are not alone. Maybe thats not you, maybe you got pregnant quickly and never faced any problems. This blog is for you too. For you to have compassion for the friends of yours who may be going through something like this even if they haven't shared it with you yet.

I was sitting in a fertility class the other day and they read off the statistic that 1 in 3 couples today are facing infertility, ONE IN THREE. Does that not blow your mind? There are varying opinions as to why this is so. Is it because women are waiting longer to have children than in the past? Is it due to the antibiotics, hormones, and pesticides that are found in our foods? (Yall know that's my theory lol) This is more common than we think because people don't talk about it! There are many different causes of infertility; PCOS, blocked fallopian tubes, male factor infertility, diminished ovarian reserve, unexplained infertility and the list goes on and on. It doesn't really matter what the CAUSE of infertility is, it takes the SAME emotional toll on everyone who has gone through it.

For some reason, I almost always knew I would have trouble getting pregnant. Its like God was preparing me since I was young. I didn't have a medical diagnosis that led me to believe that, I didnt have any reason to think this would be the case but for some reason it has always been there, like a thought that was stored away for a later date. As if having it in the back of my mind would somehow make it less painful if I had to deal with it in reality. Our pastor did a sermon in 2014 on infertility. I wasn't even married yet and had never tried to become pregnant but I sure did take notes during that sermon and I even kept a copy for future reference.

For me this has been an almost 2 year journey. During that time I have met many people, friends and acquaintances, that have been dealing with infertility as well. At first I was reluctant to share this with anyone. Pretty much my mom and my best friend knew, that's about it. I was scared to tell anyone else. Gradually along the way I started to open up to people around me, other family members and people at work etc. Maybe it was because I got sick of people always asking me when I was going to get pregnant (more on this another day!), or maybe it was because I slowly realized that going through this alone was not the answer. We NEED support as human beings. So maybe this blog will be support for YOU, or maybe you reading this will be support for me. Who knows, but we are going through this journey together! Thanks for joining.

Here is where I am in this journey. Today I have started my hormone injections for IVF! This is a 10-12 day process and at the end the docs will surgically remove all of the eggs that have been stimulated to inject them with sperm and try to grow a baby! I feel like I am strapped to a roller coaster and we are inclining- there is no way off now!