My blood pregnancy test today was positive!! I almost can't even believe it. It feels like its too good to be true! I am 4 weeks and 1 day today and the baby is due on Mother Day next year! May 13, 2018. The level today was 155 which the nurse said is a great starting number. I have to recheck on Thursday and as long as its rising my next check will be an ultrasound at 7 weeks! Its funny because for the last week I have seriously cried over every little thing. I'm not normally crier! I cant even remember the last time I cried before this lol. I have also been getting some nausea about 3 hours after breakfast each day. If I eat something I feel better-- but the crazy thing is I actually have been ENJOYING the nausea! It kinda makes this all feel real and I welcome every single pregnancy symptom.

I never posted a blog about the transfer because I was a little preoccupied so ill talk about it here. It was seriously the coolest thing! I wish I would have video taped it. An hour before the procedure I had to drink 32 ounces of water and take a Valium (honestly I wish I would have skipped that part!) Do you know how hard it is to hold a full bladder when you have been given a drug that relaxes your muscles!!!! By the time we arrived which was 30 min before the procedure I thought I was going to die! The embryologist came in and told us which embryo they had chosen. #1. Then he asked if we knew the sex to which we replied that we did not. Then he said " Do you WANT to know the sex"!!! Gosh that was tempting! But we said no. We have decided to keep it a surprise for the birth! We haven't had any surprises this whole process so we are super excited for this. Besides as long as the baby is healthy I am going to be the happiest mother ever!! So anyway I was literally standing on one foot with my legs crossed at this point and couldnt even stand up strait I had to pee so bad! The ultrasound tech took me back and told me my bladder was too full (YA THINK!?) and she allowed me to let out 3/4 of a cup which which was marked so I didnt go over. You might think it would have been hard to stop but I was SO relieved after just letting that much out I felt like a new woman! Sorry if that's TMI haha. Anyway we got to watch on a big screen under a microscope where the embryologist sucked up the little embryo into a catheter in the otehr room and then transported it to our room. On the ultrasound machine we could see the catheter inserted and then he just like shot it in there! It just showed up as a white little dot on the ultrasound! It was seriously the coolest thing I have ever seen! We left and went home and I pretty much laid on the couch for my 2 days of "modified bedrest" which is harder to do than you think!

And here we are!! I plan to continue this blog at certain milestones so follow along if you want to keep up with my journey! Thank you so much to each and everyone of you for all of your love and support!

Okay this is starting to get real! T- 6 days until transfer! So I had an ultrasound on Monday to check the lining of my uterus and it was only 5.3mm which was a little thin so they increased my estrogen to thicken it up! Have I mentioned that I feel AMAZING when my estrogen is high? So I wasn't to upset about this! Lol I was super anxious to go to my appointment yesterday for a repeat ultrasound to see if the change had worked (I had also started some self fertility massage I was prescribed by Dr. Google 😜). The lining needs to be between 7-8mm for transfer and at my ultrasound yesterday all of the measurements were greater than 7mm!!! Needless to say I was relieved!

I start on the Progesterone shots on Sunday and will continue until I am 12 weeks pregnant. I am SO not looking forward to these! They are suspended in oil so it's super thick and like injecting olive oil into your glute! I have been frantically searching the internet to find ways to make these shots more manageable and so far what I have come up with is to heat the bottle before drawing up the medicine with body heat or a heating pad, use topical lidocaine to numb the area an hour before the shot, and massaging the area for 5 min after each injection to avoid knots. Looks like I need get up a little earlier than usual from now on to make are I have time for all these steps! Lol

I am scheduled for the transfer next Friday 8/25 at 1:30pm! Prayers that day are much appreciated! I will then have bloodwork 5, 10, and 13 days after to monitor my hormone levels and confirm the pregnancy! Even though I will be considered PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise), I still have a two week wait to get the official confirmation! 

Officially on FET day #3! Transfer is scheduled for FET day#16 (August 26th). I have now been on an injection called Lupron for 15 days and started estrogen 2 days ago.  I have both pills and patches of estrogen to take. I was so worried about the Lupron because I was told that I would have a pretty bad headache until I started the estrogen but I really only had a headache for 2-3 days and it was mild enough not to take medications. I was also supposed to have hot flashes which I did not have but ironically enough those started the last few days after starting the estrogen. The Lupron shots have been NOTHING! They don't hurt a bit unlike the blood thinner shots (Lovenox). My mood has been good! I HAVE been a little quicker to anger mostly at George for silly things but he has been a trooper and hasn't taken too much offense lol! I went in for an ultrasound and bloodwork 2 days ago and they were checking to make sure the lining of the uterus was thin and my estrogen was low. Everything looked great! My next check is Monday (FET day #5)! 8 days until the Progesterone shots and I am NOT looking forward to those! EEEK!

 So here we go!! My transfer cycle has officially started. We have an official transfer date of August 25th. I have to admit I was pretty overwhelmed when I got my transfer calendar (see below). I had no idea there was so much that went into this part. This has probably been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, emotionally and physically. (And the pregnancy hasn't even started yet!) lol There is so much this process has taught me and I can tell you I am a different person following this experience in more ways than one. One thing that has been particularly hard for me is that I have gained 20# since the start of this process (and more hormones to come oh my!). I have always been healthy and fit, I work out 5 days a week and eat healthier than probably 90% of the population so this has taken a HUGE toll on me. I have had to buy all new clothes, I get short of breath when I walk, I don't feel good about myself. Its been an eyeopening experience. For a short while I was even avoiding putting pictures of myself on Facebook because I was afraid of what others would think and how they would judge me. Finally I realized IIII was one of those people!!! I was afraid of what others would think about me because I myself had judged people on their appearance on Facebook! I had never really thought about it that way. I'm sure we are all guilty of it at some point but this has really showed me that I was being judgemental of people, people who I had NO IDEA what was going on in their lives. I had NO IDEA what their stories were or why they had gained weight etc. I can't even believe that I had allowed myself to judge people like that. Its a huge confession that I have to make. I can tell you from this day forward I will NOT make that mistake again.

So as of for now I have come to the realization that this is a part of the journey. Yes I may be overweight and yes I may not look like some of my bikini model physique friends. But I am putting everything I have into creating human life, and THAT is worth way more to me than worrying about what other people think. Maybe God is allowing me to stretch my skin a little before pregnancy so I wont get so many stretch marks! HAHAHAHA Come on Baby Amacker!! We are ready for you!!

Surprise a week early! We got our chromosomal testing results and 3 out of the 4 embryos sent were normal! See above the pics of the embryos if you are interested. From here I have some more testing this and next month to ensure there wont be any hiccups with transfer. They will look inside the uterus to see if there are any abnormalities and even do a trial transfer before the big day! Due to the nature of the woman's cycle, travel plans (haha you know me), testing etc we are looking at a mid August transfer. It takes 6 weeks of meds to build the lining of the uterus to get ready for the pregnancy and I will start those in July. We are SO excited! We have also confirmed with the embryologist that we have at least one of each sex. However we have chosen to let them pick the best one for transfer so we wont know the sex at implantation. We actually aren't going to find out the sex until birth! Gotta keep you all on your toes! My family already has bets on the sex of each embryo and which one they think they will implant first! Feel free to comment your bets! God has really taught me through all of this that I am not in control. So I am slowly learning to let go. The extent to which George and I have grown during this process has been amazing! See you back in August for an update!

And today is the day!! We have 4 embryos that have made it to the mature blastocyst stage! Normally the embryos are assess on day 5 and then again on day 6. Yesterday we had 2 that were mature and 8 more that they wanted to watch for one more day. Today we have 2 more that are ready to go so we will have a total of 4! They are each graded BB if you remember the grading scale from my prior post. The guy at our IVF class told us "BB means baby all day long" So that's good. They have a very strict grading system at this clinic and 80-85% of the embryos they transfer are BB. They do not transfer CC embryos. Now they have collected a small sample from each embryo and sent it to the lab for DNA testing to make sure they have all of their chromosomes etc. The embryos themselves will be frozen until we are ready for a transfer in July! This DNA screening process will take about 2 weeks. Everything is looking good so far. I was a little worried yesterday when there were only 2 but 4 makes me feel a lot better as there is still a chance that some may have chromosomal abnormalities and not be able to be used. Or maybe they will all normal and ill have to talk George into having 4 babies. HAHAHAHA

Egg retrieval went well yesterday! We got 21 eggs of which 16 "matured" and 13 were successfully fertilized!  I didn't do much yesterday other than lounging around so I wanted to send an update and go over the procedure and the next steps.

Yesterday we arrived at the clinic at 9:30 and met with the anesthesiologist. They used propofol for IV sedation and I was super worried about being nauseated after because I almost always am after anesthesia so he was really nice and gave me some IV zofran prophylactic. This totally worked and I had NO nausea! I was almost more worried about that part than the procedure itself lol.

The procedure took less than 30 min. They went in with a vaginal ultrasound probe with a needle attached and punctured through the vaginal wall into each ovary to suck out the fluid from each follicle that had developed. Most mature follicles that have grown larger than 16mm contain one egg but sometimes they may have none or they may have 2. I woke up pretty groggy but no pain!

We went and ate lunch and then I was pretty much ready for a nap. The rest of the afternoon I was really bloated, crampy and uncomfortable but nothing unmanageble. I feel the same today and anticipate this to improve each day.

Once the eggs were retreived they wait to see how many mature. An egg is mature when they spit out a little blurb that has the eggs DNA in it called a polar body. This part will later join with the DNA from the sperm to create 23 chromosomes for the baby (yes its Georges sperm but we wont get into that lol). Generally about 80% of eggs that are retrieved will mature.Then approx 80% of those will actually fertilize!

We will get our next call on Day 5 to see how many of the fertilized embryos survive! Once we have that final batch the embryologist grades each embryo based on a number of factors to determine which are the best ones. There are 2 parts of the embryo at this time. One part will become the baby and one part will become the placenta. Each part gets a letter from A-C. They are looking for an embryo which is at least graded BB to implant.

 

On day 5 the embryologist will take a small sample of cells from the matured blastocyst and send these off to the lab to be tested for chromosomal abnormalities. The whole blastocyst will be frozen until we are ready for the transfer!

It will take about 2 weeks to get back the genetic information for the embryos. They will even know the sex of each embryo!! However we have told them not to disclose this information to us because we still want to be surprised. We will give my body a few months to recover from this process and get back to "normal" after all of the hormones and we plan on transferring the best embryo in July!

Guess what today is!? Its trigger day!! This means I will give myself a shot tonight that will start the process for egg retrieval! It will take 36 hours for the eggs to mature after the shot is given so its very time sensitive. I have 25 follicles that are developing and we are anticipating at least 10 eggs at retrieval but probably more which is great :-) So Sunday is the big day. I will have the surgical procedure at 10am so I will try to post on here an update before that. Im still doing well- just a pretty bad headache which I am thinking is because I had to take one of my injections early today that I was taking at bedtime- so maybe the nighttime dose has been sparing me of side effects since I am usually asleep after them. The nurse said I will feel pretty uncomfortable for about 10 days after the retrieval so we will see how it goes!

DAY 4 of STIMS

 

Today was day 4 of stims and I had my morning ultrasound and blood work done (have to go in everyday for the next 7 days). I have 17 follicles developing so far and they are looking good! I have been instructed to continue my current dosage of meds and add a new shot that prevents you from ovulating too soon. Gah that's FOUR shots a day! 1 of them literally feels like you are stabbing yourself with a knife!  I'm still felling great! Slightly bloated and I have heard that gets worse but we will see.

 

Fertility facts: Women's fertility peaks in her mid 20s, begins declining at age 27, and nosedives around age 37! Men have a biological clock too! A British study showed that only 8% of males fail to impregnate their partners when they are under the age of 25 while 15% fail after the age of 35!



What NOT to say!

Anyone who is married can tell you that as soon as the wedding is over, if not before, people will start asking when you are going to have babies. Its like human nature or something. At first its kinda sweet- you look at your spouse with those smitten newlywed eyes and murmur something to the effect of "oh we are going to enjoy each other for a while first" or maybe "oh we want to have kids right away". Whatever your response you fully intend on having complete control on when you will procreate at that time so these comments and questions just roll off your back.

The problem comes when you have been married for a little while, a short while- say maybe a year. Then the questions start rolling back in. Your mom is pressuring you for grandbabies, your coworker suggest you might be pregnant every time you mention being tired or not feeling well, random strangers ask you if you have children and when you say no they ask WHEN you will have them. Let me just tell you how BAD these comments hurt when you have been trying to get pregnant and have been unsuccessful. The worst is when someone close to you asks you when you are going to get pregnant. Inevitably you end up forcing a smile and muttering "when the good Lord is ready", or "oh maybe one day". You honestly TRY to make it sound like its not in your near plans because you have been dealing with infertility and really have no idea when or if this is going to happen for you so you don't want to make it sound like you are actively trying or otherwise when you aren't pregnant next month you fear that they will come asking again. This was honest to goodness the HARDEST part for me during my journey. Every time I was asked- I wanted to cry, and sometimes I did. I was SO fearful of peoples comments that I was self conscious about the photos I posted on facebook- thinking if I looked like I had gained weight at all people would automatically assume I was pregnant. I would post pictures of me drinking just to ensure to people that I was not pregnant. I know that sounds silly, but when you are hurting from a struggle with infertility every single comment feels like someone is stabbing you in the side with a dagger! If I posted a picture of me with friends and others had a drink in their hand but I did not I feared the comment "You aren't drinking, are you pregnant?" I'm telling you people don't think before they speak. This is why I am sharing this with you. ESP those of you who have not had to deal with infertility. Think before you speak! Don't ask women when they are going to get pregnant, if they want children, if they ARE pregnant etc.

Now that I have been on this journey for a while and have decided to share its like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I don't feel like I am in hiding anymore. I encourage those of you who are dealing with infertility as well to be vocal about it! You might not want to start a blog and share it with facebook but please consider sharing it with your close friends and family. It really is a great relief to not have to bear this burden alone.

Holy meds! So today is day number 2 of these crazy hormones! I am currently taking a shot of one medication in the morning and another med at night in addition to the blood thinner shot I am on since I have a blood clotting disorder and these medications increase your estrogen. I was really worried about the side effects of these meds and I was told that pretty much I WILL experiance the following side effects (nausea, abdominal pain, headache, weight gain, and emotional lability).... sounds like a great time doesn't it lol! So how am I feeling Day 2 of these meds? Somehow for some insane reason I have a CRAZY amount of energy! It's the weirdest thing? I always have the side effect of things making me tired but with this I feel like I drank a ton of caffiene! I'm not sure if this will last as I can't find it on a side effect profile anywhere and the blogs I searched on google (YES I'm the annoying patient who googles) say that most people have lots of fatigue with the meds. Maybe I'm just on high because I am getting this process started but as of right now I feel GREAT! I pray this will continue :)

Welcome to my new blog!

No one ever PLANS to deal with infertility. We spend our whole lives trying NOT to get pregnant; using protection, setting an alarm to remember to take your pill.  People don't really talk about infertility. Its kinda tabu. And when you find yourself facing infertility it can be lonely, scary, and down right depressing. I am sharing this blog to share my experiences, hoping that if you are now, or one day find yourself dealing with infertility you will have some support and know you are not alone. Maybe thats not you, maybe you got pregnant quickly and never faced any problems. This blog is for you too. For you to have compassion for the friends of yours who may be going through something like this even if they haven't shared it with you yet.

I was sitting in a fertility class the other day and they read off the statistic that 1 in 3 couples today are facing infertility, ONE IN THREE. Does that not blow your mind? There are varying opinions as to why this is so. Is it because women are waiting longer to have children than in the past? Is it due to the antibiotics, hormones, and pesticides that are found in our foods? (Yall know that's my theory lol) This is more common than we think because people don't talk about it! There are many different causes of infertility; PCOS, blocked fallopian tubes, male factor infertility, diminished ovarian reserve, unexplained infertility and the list goes on and on. It doesn't really matter what the CAUSE of infertility is, it takes the SAME emotional toll on everyone who has gone through it.

For some reason, I almost always knew I would have trouble getting pregnant. Its like God was preparing me since I was young. I didn't have a medical diagnosis that led me to believe that, I didnt have any reason to think this would be the case but for some reason it has always been there, like a thought that was stored away for a later date. As if having it in the back of my mind would somehow make it less painful if I had to deal with it in reality. Our pastor did a sermon in 2014 on infertility. I wasn't even married yet and had never tried to become pregnant but I sure did take notes during that sermon and I even kept a copy for future reference.

For me this has been an almost 2 year journey. During that time I have met many people, friends and acquaintances, that have been dealing with infertility as well. At first I was reluctant to share this with anyone. Pretty much my mom and my best friend knew, that's about it. I was scared to tell anyone else. Gradually along the way I started to open up to people around me, other family members and people at work etc. Maybe it was because I got sick of people always asking me when I was going to get pregnant (more on this another day!), or maybe it was because I slowly realized that going through this alone was not the answer. We NEED support as human beings. So maybe this blog will be support for YOU, or maybe you reading this will be support for me. Who knows, but we are going through this journey together! Thanks for joining.

Here is where I am in this journey. Today I have started my hormone injections for IVF! This is a 10-12 day process and at the end the docs will surgically remove all of the eggs that have been stimulated to inject them with sperm and try to grow a baby! I feel like I am strapped to a roller coaster and we are inclining- there is no way off now!